If
You Love, Love Openly
Twenty
monks and one nun, who was named Eshun, were practicing meditation
with a certain Zen master.
Eshun
was very pretty even though her head was shaved and her dress plain.
Several monks secretly fell in love with her. One of them wrote her a
love letter, insisting upon a private meeting.
Eshun
did not reply. The following day the master gave a lecture to the
group, and when it was over, Eshun arose. Addressing the one who had
written her, she said: "If you really love me so much, come and
embrace me now."
OK this
subject is a heavy buddhist subject because we all got different
views on that, but I think in that the most important that where's
the love in all of that ?
As I say in previous post unconditional love is something will bring the best in the relationship, but in that also sometimes come the attachment and when the grasping coming the unconditional love decrease so how to keep balance ?
We all get
attach that normal we are not enlighten and we try to deal with
that, everyday but in the teaching what is come out is everything
come from our mind everything we expect from the person we love and
what heal that expectation, the answers is simple letting go Dzonchar
rinpoche say we are two stranger meeting in an hotel we stay for a
life together or for couple of time but keep that when we start we
were without any expectation so why bring all of this right now !
When the
relationship start to have long time we start to build more and more
expectation we want our partner to be like this like that without
thinking maybe I should release myself from this and be more happy
with my partner.
Love is
very strong energy can move mountain with love, when you love someone
and start to contemplate that unconditional make us even more happy
than just love with full attachment that the ultimate release even
sex and all go with the relationship became more happy because we
start to wake up the Daka and Dakini we are and without attachment we
start to have clear vision, what we share with our partner is
something pure and is useless to spoil it with expectation .
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Buddha
advice to Husband and Wife :
In
advising women about their role in married life, the Buddha
appreciated that the peace and harmony of a home rested largely on a
woman. His advice was realistic and practical when he explained a
good number of day to day characteristics which a woman should or
should not cultivate. On diverse occasions, the Buddha counselled
that a wife should:
- not harbour evil thoughts against her husband;
- not be cruel, harsh or domineering;
- not be spendthrift but should be economical and live within her means;
- guard and save her husbands hard earned earnings and property;
- always be attentive and chaste in mind and action;
- be faithful and harbour no thought of any adulterous acts;
- be refined in speech and polite in action;
- be kind, industrious and hard-working;
- be thoughtful and compassionate towards her husband, and her attitude should equate that of a mothers love and concern for the protection of her only son;
- be modest and respectful;
- be cool, calm and understanding — serving not only as a wife but also as a friend and advisor when the need arises.
In
the days of the Buddha, other religious teachers also spoke on the
duties and obligations of a wife towards her husband — stressing
particularly on the duty of a wife bearing an off spring for the
husband, rendering faithful service and providing conjugal happiness.
Some
communities are very particular about having a son in the family.
They believe that a son is necessary to perform their funeral rites
so that their after life will be a good one. The failure to get a son
from the first wife, gives a man the liberty to have another wife in
order to get a son. Buddhism does not support this belief.
According
to what the Buddha taught about the law of Karma, one is responsible
for ones own action and its consequences. Whether a son or a daughter
is born is determined not by a father or mother but the karma of the
child. And the well being of a father or grandfather does not depend
upon the action of the son or grandson. Each is responsible for his
own actions. So, it is wrong for men to blame their wives or for a
man to feel inadequate when a son is not born. Such Enlightened
Teachings help to correct the views of many people and naturally
reduce the anxiety of women who are unable to produce sons to perform
the "rites of the ancestors."
Although
the duties of a wife towards the husband were laid down in the
Confucian code of discipline, it did not stress the duties and
obligations of the husband towards the wife. In the Sigalovada Sutta,
however, the Buddha clearly mentioned the duties of a husband towards
the wife and vice versa.
The
Buddha, in reply to a householder as to how a husband should minister
to his wife declared that the husband should always honour and
respect his wife, by being faithful to her, by giving her the
requisite authority to manage domestic affairs and by giving her
befitting ornaments. This advice, given over twenty five centuries
ago, still stands good for today.
Knowing
the psychology of the man who tends to consider himself superior, the
Buddha made a remarkable change and uplifted the status of a woman by
a simple suggestion that a husband should honour and respect his
wife. A husband should be faithful to his wife, which means that a
husband should fulfil and maintain his marital obligations to his
wife thus sustaining the confidence in the marital relationship in
every sense of the word. The husband, being a bread winner, would
invariably stay away from home, hence he should entrust the domestic
or household duties to the wife who should be considered as the
keeper and the distributor of the property and the home economic
administrator. The provision of befitting ornaments to the wife
should be symbolic of the husbands love, care and attention showered
on the wife. This symbolic practice has been carried out from time
immemorial in Buddhist communities. Unfortunately it is in danger of
dying out because of the influence of modern civilization.
On
that the buddha was quite clear on we have to respect each other and
when expect to much we became a pure time bomb for our relationship
for this reason we have to work on everyday on unconditional love and
get rib of attachment and expectation.
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